BrashMonkey

Kellen, I just want to take the opportunity to tell you how much Papa loves you. You are the shining light in my world. Everyday you learn so much, you inspire me so greatly, and amaze me so often. The thought of you makes me smile, and the sight of you makes me glow. You are my little buddy. You are my unwavering motivation. You are my greatest accomplishment. Through you I’ve learned so much about myself, what’s important, and what is not so important. I know life is not as easy as we had hoped, but as long as we are together, nothing could bring us down. From the day I met you, I knew you were perfect. As you grow and experience, I hope that I can continue to be a positive influence on your life. As long as I am breathing I will do everything in my power to help you not make the same mistakes that I have made in my life, and push you to become a greater man than I could ever dream of for myself. Through your failures you will learn to press on. Through your heartache you w...

There's been so much excitement I almost forgot to blog. Got rolling this morning and they were turning people away on the highway to go chain up. Me and another driver decided to wait it out a bit. We stopped at a diner called the Pollard Flat. It is a small fuel stop and diner off of I-5 exit 712. If you ever passing through you must must stop here. Amazing atmosphere, Great food, good prices and hosts that will have you cracking up! This is a true American gem for diners. Well with all the allure of the diner, we apparently waited too long because they closed down I-5 northbound. So we sat tight hoping maybe they would reopen it. They finally did go by the that time, I had run out of driving hours. I'm currently sitting watching people chain up their tires and make fools of themselves. It's pure entertainment for hours. I finally became a man today, putting on chains myself... As long as I've been driving I've never needed to chain up. Let me tell you putting the...

Bam Bam… What a crapolistic day, not really because I’m doing something that I enjoy, but scheduling wise and logistically speaking, today was a crapfest. No blame game, just sucky situations. Skipped three stops because I ran out of time and will now have to backtrack to them. Oh well from what I’m hearing I need to stall out a little bit longer to miss the tail end of the snow storm that hit Oregon. So sunny days and truck stop living… Lets do it: Three (3) things I Learned Today (Tuesday 12.18.2012 yes periods are better than dashes) 1) You can really get another trucker butt hurt by taking the last two apple fritters in the case. I didn’t mean to do this, but this guy was getting his coffee, not for me straight dew dude here, and I slipped in and snagged some donuts. One for the morning and one for mid day when I need a little spike of sugarmania. Well when he went over to get a donut, he realized that there was nothing left but maple bars. The look on his face was PRICELESS. I...

Monday, the adventurous first day of the week where you magically learn at 8am how wonderfully jacked your week is or is not going to be! Fortunately for me, My week should be decent. Smooth exit from the warehouse, mid day nap, and walked away from the casino up 10 bucks! Remember, it's the small things that count. Well I'm up too late as usually so lets rip this out... The Three (3) Things I Learned Today (Monday 12.17.2012) 1) It's inevitable that if you put up a sign to not do something, people will naturally want to do it. Take this for instance: at many points on the highway there comes a point where the lanes narrow. The DOT decided it would be wise to post signs telling motorists that for the next X miles lane changes are prohibited. Only problem with that is, it seems to be an invitation for yahoos to change lanes like 42  and a half times. They should just post a sign that says: "Change lanes as many times as you want. You are t...

Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma’am… I’m trekking home! I wrapped up my week long journey in three days, will finish mid-day through the fourth… Not to shabby. No preface, no bull, lets just get to the meat of this sandwhich: (Crap! That was kinda a preface you idiot…) The Three (3) Things I Learned Today (Wednesday 12.12.20112 No Mention of the date from me!) 1) Dirty talk is way too vulgar anymore. There is no romance or mystery in it. You don’t have you use your imagination when somebody says “I want to f#@k your brains out!” Come on people, class it up a little. I think I’m going to bring back the term “Bed you” or to “Bed her”. You know what I’m talking about, but it has some sort of Roaring Twenties feel to it! It makes me think of a suave guy in a zuit suite, with a long cigarette and a top hat, talking to the cocktail waitress / singer. Whatever, it’s not like I have anyone right now to refer to this act with anyway. But I’ll try to use it in everyday conversation. Like instead o...

MONDAY BAM!  Day here day gone.  So this morning I skipped my am workout, because I was being lazy! I ended up going after work to hit the gym hard. With-Malice-4-Iron. I came to realize something within 20 seconds of being there. I'm not in Kansas anymore... No seriously! This was not the same gym. A.M. Gym rats are a very different beast then the afternooners and evening weight pounders. The early risers are focused on their goals. They get in the gym and get their shit down and get out. A.M.'ers are on their way to work or getting the young-ins off to school. The Late Dayers seem more focused on... Socializing, flirting, and looking for a pickup. I'm sure for some of you this sounds great. For me, I'm at the gym for one reason and one reason only! MYSELF. Gym time is stress release time. Time to pound out all the days frustrations and do it in a productive and controlled manner all while improving my health. I zone out. I sometimes even just close my eyes and...

Life; filled with obstacles, road bumps, curves, and debris. Navigating all of this takes determination, direction, passion, and love for one another. The most devastating thing in life is when you realize that the person you care for deeply isn’t affected in the manner in which you thought they might in your absence. So many times love lost, so many times life found. Not all that wander are lost. Most are in process of finding their way. Forging through and pressing on, with a destination to be determined upon arrival.  We live our lives with the knowledge that we may never know the meaning of it all. A constant feeling of “to be determined”.  All anyone can do to avoid the feeling of helplessness is to laugh at the obscurity of life itself. Really, we start dependent upon others and end dependent upon others. What did we accomplish in the middle? Maybe find love? Maybe work our asses off for somebody else’s pockets? Maybe raise kids, and hope they turn out better than we...

Today was a g... It was a day. Going to bed early, got iron to hit, work to limp through, and whiskey to devour tomorrow. So on that note... Three (3) Things I Learned Today (Thursday). 1) The thinking that cattle needs fifty acres per cow to feed them sufficiently is a load of cow poopy. The amount of land needed for one cow is all relative to the type of field and the terrain you put them on. And lamas serve no purpose, Alpacas however, are the shit. 2) Although the inventor of the"intermittent windshield wipers" deserved to sue the shnot out of Ford for stealing his product... he should have spent some time in the Northwest for calibration. Sure enough as soon as I set those bastards to full wipe for heavy rain, and the rain stops. Please Mr. Intermittent Wiper Dude Please send me an update so I can load it into my Semi. Or I guess the alternative would be to ask the rain gods to either pick up the pace or knock that crap off! 3) It is inevitable that when you are ...

Three Things I Learned Today (Wednesday aka #HumpDay) Quick thought... Why do they call it Hump day? My theory on hump day it was created by corporate scumbags to profit off of twitter pictures hash-tagged #HumpDay and include naughty pictures and website addresses to lure you into buying a $9.95/ month subscription to see unthinkable acts being carried out on "Over 18" girls. OR,   Somebody fell asleep at their desk on a Wednesday and woke up on the floor of their cubical snuggled up to a camel. I'm going with the latter. Lets get to it! Three Things I Learned Today: 1) In the city of Portland, Oregon It’s against the law for a wedding ceremony to be performed at a skating rink. via @DumbestLaws I wonder what their stance is on gay marriage on ice? Portland is a pretty liberal city. I bet they'd support that! 2) Reading the warning labels affixed to your car's visor regarding seat belt safety, airbags, and tire pr...

Twelve hours of work... will make you go crazy! Lets get right to it, I have some whiskey sampling to do. The 3 Things I learned today: 1) If you wait long enough while pulling on your air horn, somebody will eventually move their illegally parked car. 2) Thomas Jefferson was a freaking bipolar when it came to issues and ideals. He constantly had an internal debate with religion, revolution, and his love life. Love the guy but good lord man... he's an 1800's version of  Lamar Odom. 3) All women, married to them for 30 years or dating them for just a short few months, can never let a conversation end with a man saying "Okay, I agree, lets do that." , without continuing the conversation with all the trivial details that a man has no desire to hear, or capacity to mentally retain.

Well today was a well a typical Monday...  sucky with patches of clearing! I'll leave this short a sweat...  (I gots food ta eat!) The three things I learned today: 1) Pinot Grigio and Pinot Gris... yeah same thing, different name. (referred to Grigio in Italy and California... Stupid) 2) My ex is so much easier to deal with... now that she doesn't use my body wash! (yes i use body wash!) 3) Finally, two 3"hundo"s looking for sugar cookie icing on the bottom of the shelf, clogs up the grocery store isle!