BrashMonkey

Today was a g... It was a day. Going to bed early, got iron to hit, work to limp through, and whiskey to devour tomorrow. So on that note... Three (3) Things I Learned Today (Thursday). 1) The thinking that cattle needs fifty acres per cow to feed them sufficiently is a load of cow poopy. The amount of land needed for one cow is all relative to the type of field and the terrain you put them on. And lamas serve no purpose, Alpacas however, are the shit. 2) Although the inventor of the"intermittent windshield wipers" deserved to sue the shnot out of Ford for stealing his product... he should have spent some time in the Northwest for calibration. Sure enough as soon as I set those bastards to full wipe for heavy rain, and the rain stops. Please Mr. Intermittent Wiper Dude Please send me an update so I can load it into my Semi. Or I guess the alternative would be to ask the rain gods to either pick up the pace or knock that crap off! 3) It is inevitable that when you are ...

Three Things I Learned Today (Wednesday aka #HumpDay) Quick thought... Why do they call it Hump day? My theory on hump day it was created by corporate scumbags to profit off of twitter pictures hash-tagged #HumpDay and include naughty pictures and website addresses to lure you into buying a $9.95/ month subscription to see unthinkable acts being carried out on "Over 18" girls. OR,   Somebody fell asleep at their desk on a Wednesday and woke up on the floor of their cubical snuggled up to a camel. I'm going with the latter. Lets get to it! Three Things I Learned Today: 1) In the city of Portland, Oregon It’s against the law for a wedding ceremony to be performed at a skating rink. via @DumbestLaws I wonder what their stance is on gay marriage on ice? Portland is a pretty liberal city. I bet they'd support that! 2) Reading the warning labels affixed to your car's visor regarding seat belt safety, airbags, and tire pr...

Twelve hours of work... will make you go crazy! Lets get right to it, I have some whiskey sampling to do. The 3 Things I learned today: 1) If you wait long enough while pulling on your air horn, somebody will eventually move their illegally parked car. 2) Thomas Jefferson was a freaking bipolar when it came to issues and ideals. He constantly had an internal debate with religion, revolution, and his love life. Love the guy but good lord man... he's an 1800's version of  Lamar Odom. 3) All women, married to them for 30 years or dating them for just a short few months, can never let a conversation end with a man saying "Okay, I agree, lets do that." , without continuing the conversation with all the trivial details that a man has no desire to hear, or capacity to mentally retain.

Well today was a well a typical Monday...  sucky with patches of clearing! I'll leave this short a sweat...  (I gots food ta eat!) The three things I learned today: 1) Pinot Grigio and Pinot Gris... yeah same thing, different name. (referred to Grigio in Italy and California... Stupid) 2) My ex is so much easier to deal with... now that she doesn't use my body wash! (yes i use body wash!) 3) Finally, two 3"hundo"s looking for sugar cookie icing on the bottom of the shelf, clogs up the grocery store isle!