Three (3) Things I Learned Today (Wednesday 12.12.2012 No mention of the date from me!)
Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma’am… I’m trekking home! I wrapped up my week long journey in three days, will finish mid-day through the fourth… Not to shabby. No preface, no bull, lets just get to the meat of this sandwhich: (Crap! That was kinda a preface you idiot…)
The Three (3) Things I Learned Today (Wednesday 12.12.20112 No Mention of the date from me!)
1) Dirty talk is way too vulgar anymore. There is no romance or mystery in it. You don’t have you use your imagination when somebody says “I want to f#@k your brains out!” Come on people, class it up a little. I think I’m going to bring back the term “Bed you” or to “Bed her”. You know what I’m talking about, but it has some sort of Roaring Twenties feel to it! It makes me think of a suave guy in a zuit suite, with a long cigarette and a top hat, talking to the cocktail waitress / singer. Whatever, it’s not like I have anyone right now to refer to this act with anyway. But I’ll try to use it in everyday conversation.
Like instead of saying:
“That F#@king sucks”,
I’ll say
“That (Bedding) sucks”
See you either think I’m swearing second hand or you think I really don’t like my sheets and blankets!
Or try thing one on:
“Go F#@k yourself” vs. “Go Bed yourself”
Now that could mean the former or it could mean I’m talking to my son and he needs to go to sleep now.
2) Eating my entire allowance of “Per diem” is probably not a wise idea. For those who don’t know what “per diem” is I’ll try to quickly explain. “Per diem” is a set amount of money given to an employee (based on Federal Guidelines) to compensate that person for being away from the convieniences of having a fridge, cooking supplies, ect. Basicly it’s free money from my company to eat with. They get a tax break and I get an over priced mediocre meal. Now based on where I’m traveling to I am allowed $46 per day. Yeah. I could probably use less than that for a weeks worth of groceries and still have enough money for a gallon of gas. Okay probably not the gas. So the past few weeks I keep coming up with extra. So this week I challenged myself to see if I could use it all up. Good Lordy, I feel like a freakin hot air balloon. I’ve eaten more bacon covered, grease lathered, fried to the gills, msg filled, protein/carbs/fatty fats, and anything else unheatlthy, then I have in my life time. And to make matters worse, I’m not able to access my gym. (Gurgle, burp.) I think once I’m back in the gym regularly, my pores will cry out in agony.
3) Taking an hour long shower after missing a shower the day prior is highly recommended. What is not recommended however is doing it on an empty stomach with the temp set to scolding. Although I just mentioned being full, like way full, prior to arriving, I hadn’t eaten in like 10 minutes. Okay it was several hours. So, I was out in an area where there are no places for trucks to park, let alone a shower to use. I cannot stand this. So the first place I could go to clean up, I think I over did it with the length of time and the temperature. You tend to get a little woozy, especially on an empty stomach!
My Most White Trash Moment: (As if not showering isn’t bad enough)
It wasn’t so much a moment rather an evening. Seems California loves the wine we bring in and take out of their state. What they don’t love however is us staying. Period. If you can't access a truck stop to park you can always count on staying at Uncle Wally’s house aka Wal-mart. Well, not in wino land. Apparently this Wal-mart is one of only few that don’t allow trucks to park. Damn. So I spent an extra hour looking for a place to park a giant space ship of a vehicle. I finally found a place behind a complex housing Home Depot and Target, close to some food, restroom, and other amenities. Only problem was, this section of road I had found, already had a patron. (Included is a picture, take a look at this creeper.) Parked was a white chimo van with a roof extention, and curtins all around. Aparently I found the homeless spot. I was out of hours to drive, tired, and getting very irritable. So I parked in front of him. Double checked my locks, hide all my valuables, grabbed my pocket knife, and went to the rear of his vehicle and snapped a photo of his plates… you never know! Well the night went fine, got up in the morning had an amazing breakfast and prepared to head out. As I was getting ready to leave I saw the creeper van pulling into the Depot parking lot. The guy got out and put on his ORANGE VEST! Are you kidding me? Nope this happened!
And
If I Had Bigger Balls:
I would have knocked on the creeper van door and asked the guy not to shank me in my sleep, or not to steal my stuff.
The Three (3) Things I Learned Today (Wednesday 12.12.20112 No Mention of the date from me!)
1) Dirty talk is way too vulgar anymore. There is no romance or mystery in it. You don’t have you use your imagination when somebody says “I want to f#@k your brains out!” Come on people, class it up a little. I think I’m going to bring back the term “Bed you” or to “Bed her”. You know what I’m talking about, but it has some sort of Roaring Twenties feel to it! It makes me think of a suave guy in a zuit suite, with a long cigarette and a top hat, talking to the cocktail waitress / singer. Whatever, it’s not like I have anyone right now to refer to this act with anyway. But I’ll try to use it in everyday conversation.
Like instead of saying:
“That F#@king sucks”,
I’ll say
“That (Bedding) sucks”
See you either think I’m swearing second hand or you think I really don’t like my sheets and blankets!
Or try thing one on:
“Go F#@k yourself” vs. “Go Bed yourself”
Now that could mean the former or it could mean I’m talking to my son and he needs to go to sleep now.
2) Eating my entire allowance of “Per diem” is probably not a wise idea. For those who don’t know what “per diem” is I’ll try to quickly explain. “Per diem” is a set amount of money given to an employee (based on Federal Guidelines) to compensate that person for being away from the convieniences of having a fridge, cooking supplies, ect. Basicly it’s free money from my company to eat with. They get a tax break and I get an over priced mediocre meal. Now based on where I’m traveling to I am allowed $46 per day. Yeah. I could probably use less than that for a weeks worth of groceries and still have enough money for a gallon of gas. Okay probably not the gas. So the past few weeks I keep coming up with extra. So this week I challenged myself to see if I could use it all up. Good Lordy, I feel like a freakin hot air balloon. I’ve eaten more bacon covered, grease lathered, fried to the gills, msg filled, protein/carbs/fatty fats, and anything else unheatlthy, then I have in my life time. And to make matters worse, I’m not able to access my gym. (Gurgle, burp.) I think once I’m back in the gym regularly, my pores will cry out in agony.
3) Taking an hour long shower after missing a shower the day prior is highly recommended. What is not recommended however is doing it on an empty stomach with the temp set to scolding. Although I just mentioned being full, like way full, prior to arriving, I hadn’t eaten in like 10 minutes. Okay it was several hours. So, I was out in an area where there are no places for trucks to park, let alone a shower to use. I cannot stand this. So the first place I could go to clean up, I think I over did it with the length of time and the temperature. You tend to get a little woozy, especially on an empty stomach!
My Most White Trash Moment: (As if not showering isn’t bad enough)
It wasn’t so much a moment rather an evening. Seems California loves the wine we bring in and take out of their state. What they don’t love however is us staying. Period. If you can't access a truck stop to park you can always count on staying at Uncle Wally’s house aka Wal-mart. Well, not in wino land. Apparently this Wal-mart is one of only few that don’t allow trucks to park. Damn. So I spent an extra hour looking for a place to park a giant space ship of a vehicle. I finally found a place behind a complex housing Home Depot and Target, close to some food, restroom, and other amenities. Only problem was, this section of road I had found, already had a patron. (Included is a picture, take a look at this creeper.) Parked was a white chimo van with a roof extention, and curtins all around. Aparently I found the homeless spot. I was out of hours to drive, tired, and getting very irritable. So I parked in front of him. Double checked my locks, hide all my valuables, grabbed my pocket knife, and went to the rear of his vehicle and snapped a photo of his plates… you never know! Well the night went fine, got up in the morning had an amazing breakfast and prepared to head out. As I was getting ready to leave I saw the creeper van pulling into the Depot parking lot. The guy got out and put on his ORANGE VEST! Are you kidding me? Nope this happened!
And
If I Had Bigger Balls:
I would have knocked on the creeper van door and asked the guy not to shank me in my sleep, or not to steal my stuff.