Three Things I Learned This Week (1/31)
Three things I learned this week!
People:
For the longest time now I have tried to avoid people. People are complicated, messy, needy, irritating, and self-serving. Maintaining relationships takes a lot of energy and opens you up to heartbreak when they don't meet your expectations or reject you for one reason or another. I have been hiding away from people for a while now to recoup the energy I had lost while serving as the union shop steward at Coca-Cola. I feel like I poured my heart out and depleted every last ounce of energy to secure the pay, benefits, and structure that all members deserved. I feel like for all my efforts I was ostracized, pushed away by my closest friend, and turned on by the management team that once labeled me as vital to the company's success. As I have reemerged into the world of "people" however, I am realizing how vital others are to my success and well-being. The key is seeking out those people that add value to my life through their experience, wisdom, or calming effect. I've spent a lot of time trying to convince others of something that was too far outside their spectrum of understanding. I'm realizing that I need to find ways to be in a room with people smarter than me to push the boundaries of my ideas. I need to soak up their work habits, theoretical knowledge, and useful guidance. In the same way, I need to recalibrate my peer group and be okay with not being the most knowledgeable person in the room. Let the room speak and just listen.
Places:
The more we explore as a family, the less apparent it becomes where will end up settling down. I'm seeing the same uncertainty in Dani's eyes as she once told me I had when discussing where we'll end up. In many ways, we don't want to make the wrong decision and hate where we end up. But there will never be a place that hits all our needs fully. I hope we don't miss out on a location that is good, in search of a place that is perfect. I think it's important to take a step back and realize that most of this crazy life is out of our hands. Work will most likely drive a large part of our decision-making, and the rest we'll just need to have that conversation when the fog lifts and we see things more clearly. I am thankful for this time and opportunity to travel the country, check places off our list, and truly understand regions more effectively.
Communication:
Communicating can be a real motherfucker sometimes. Just when I start to think I'm understanding the correct way to articulate my needs and feelings I get pushed back because it wasn't convenient or I'm being too sensitive. I realize more and more as time goes on that I am driven in large part by my emotions. I have very little patience and desire to feel ignored. I feel like I have valuable things to say and by not listening others are wasting my time. That sounds like a very egotistical and arrogant thing to say, and it may be, I just don't like to have my time wasted. I don't know why that is because I waste plenty of my own time on irrelevant shit all the time. Maybe it has more to do with feelings of rejection? Either way, I need to work on not getting validation from other people listening to my ideas. I know my value. I shouldn't need to hear somebody else affirm it.